99 Problems but a Finch Ain’t One

If you read my first post and thought that this would be an entirely cerebral, Sam Harris-esque blog of polemics and boredom… Here’s a rap about Darwin. Your argument is invalid.

Listen along while you read…

If you’re havin’ bird problems i feel bad for you son.

I got 99 problems but a finch ain’t one.


I got the catholic souls on the gap patrol.

Foes that wanna make sure my trap is closed.

Christians only buyin what the bible shows.

It’s in the data stupid, what type of facts are those.

If you had spent years in the woods and weather.

You’d be celebrating the minute that it came together.

so fuck critics, you can’t fight the truth with prayer.

If you don’t like my theory you can just sit and stare.

Cuz it’s a whole new world for a naturalist.

Your dogma and theology have been dismissed.

I got church brass tryin’ to smear my ass.

So they can keep the asses in the pews for mass, fuckers.

I don’t know what you take me as.

Or understand the intelligence that C.D. has.

I’m bringing truth to the world, no I ain’t dumb.

I got 99 problems but a finch ain’t one.

Hit me.


99 problems but a finch aint one.

If you’re havin’ bird problems i feel bad for you son.

I got 99 problems but a finch ain’t one.

Hit me.


The year’s ’59, it’s my time to shine.

I got my book, my theory, and a dope ass mind

I got two choices y’all publish it all or

Bounce and let Wallace take the credit for it all

Now I ain’t tryin’ to take no one’s god away

But i got a mean bulldog who will take the case

So I… publish it all for everyone to see

I heard “Son do you really want to mess with me?

I’m the motherfuckin church and we’re the king of smear.

Galileo wasn’t pardoned for 400 years.”

Well it’s a different age and I have no fear

I got my boy Hooker and old Huxley, we’re

gunna… reinvent biology and watch the world change

Haven’t you seen how the species of the world’r arranged?

Over millions of years and little bit by bit

An environment will select those best adapt to it

So with a lil bit o’ diversity and kids gallor

You’ll find a new species that wasn’t there before

“Aren’t you sharp as a tack, but wait a minute,

how are these traits passed on to their next of kin?

No, I don’t yet know how diversity is passed down

But I got my boy Mendel’s who one day’ll be world renown

Just you wait until the fuckin’ human genome’s done

I got 99 problems but a finch ain’t one

Hit me


99 problems but a finch aint one.

If you’re havin’ bird problems i feel bad for you son.

I got 99 problems but a finch ain’t one.

Hit me


No. I will not be releasing audio for this one. Your imagination will have to do.

Meta - About me or the blog

An Introduction – “Reason Bound”


Ok, I’m finally doing it. I’m finally starting the obligate blog that an atheist activist and science evangelist like me is supposed to have. What follows is the requisite blog about the blog, which will no doubt be the worst of the blog’s blogs since I can’t yet be sure what this blog is about yet. But I have to start somewhere…

The title, “Reason Bound” isn’t just one of the few blog titles about reason, atheism, or science that wasn’t already taken. It’s a double entendre that truly describes what I want to discuss. Reason is a process, and whatever issues I may discuss (and they will be many) they will be inextricably linked to our process of discovering truth and our methods of determining the righteous path. If our methods and premises are sound, we should not fear our conclusions. Think Nate Silver, but without the money, staff, and time for data collection.

I hope that you will have noticed that reason is currently enjoying a bull market in the United States. Atheism, however it may be defined, is growing steadily. Churches across the country are slowly emptying, as their aged members cannot manage to keep their kids and grandkids engrossed by ancient myths in the midst of the information age. Climate change denial appears to be slowly abating. We are making great progress in civil rights with respect to race, sexual orientation, gender identity, and women’s rights. Of course, none of this is to say that the job is done or that all is peachy, but as we head into the middle of the 21st century we are, as a society, inexorably “Reason Bound”. It is an optimistic view of the future, but not an unreasonable expectation of progress in my opinion.

My generation (Millennials) is thusly reason bound and is faced with the prospect of building a more prosperous and righteous nation than we are inheriting. We must decide how to replace the community, charity, medicine, and moral accountability once facilitated by failing religious institutions.

As individuals, we Millennials are more skeptical of assertions, associations, and authority than many of those who have come before. Some of this is involuntary, as the days of bullshitting your way through a conversation can now easily be debunked by a 10 second Google search on an iPhone. As individuals, we are increasingly “Reason Bound”, as bullshit is much less able to hide from Google, Wikipedia, and skeptics on the internet with way too much free time.

Ok, that’s enough simplistic and contrived justification of the blog’s title…

This isn’t just a blog about atheism or science, though I am both an atheist and a scientist. I will try to distill controversies into central questions about reality. Being a good scientist means taking a mystery or a conflict and designing an experiment or question that will distinguish conflicting narratives. Our debates, however contentious, should follow a similar model.

Rather than demonize anti-vaxers, 9/11 truthers, racists, religious fundamentalists, and other bigots, I want to know why otherwise reasonable people have come to different conclusions. I believe that hate is a symptom of false beliefs, and that people are overwhelmingly compassionate and trustworthy by nature.

The typical ad hominem, “take-down” piece may satisfy bitter or voyeuristic readers, but it’s not my style. I work hard to give people who I often disagree with the benefit of the doubt. However, I understand that my writing and personality can be intense. I will no doubt be issuing harsh critiques or use the writing of others as launching pads for my own. However, please understand that my attacks are almost always directed at ideas rather than people. Scumbags like Deepak Chopra, on the other hand…

And so it begins! You can expect regular (as regular as I can manage) posts about science, religion, sex, politics, and other interesting things that I think about in the shower. Please don’t hesitate to shoot me an email if you have questions or suggestions. I hope that I can stimulate some interesting ideas and conversations.